Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Getting older
Found this funny list by being on West Seattle's Moreah Veston's Funny Yahoo Group Mailing list.
As I Get Older, I Ponder...
1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my
own pants.
2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
3.. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. So I said,
"Implants?" She hit me.
4. I don't do drugs. At my age I get the same effect just standing up
fast.
5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
6. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get
elected.
7. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Doody-head's.
8. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
9. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
section in a swimming pool?
10. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
11. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true
friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Man...that was fun!"
12. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up
in the first place!
13. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky
dunk."
14. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could
simply press "Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
15. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
16. Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT
cells live forever.
###
As I Get Older, I Ponder...
1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my
own pants.
2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
3.. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. So I said,
"Implants?" She hit me.
4. I don't do drugs. At my age I get the same effect just standing up
fast.
5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
6. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get
elected.
7. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Doody-head's.
8. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
9. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
section in a swimming pool?
10. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
11. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true
friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Man...that was fun!"
12. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up
in the first place!
13. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky
dunk."
14. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could
simply press "Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
15. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
16. Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT
cells live forever.
###
